Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dear god my vagina.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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