I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
