Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize