they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
