Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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