my being single is dangerous.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
