I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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