I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
