I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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