Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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