I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
