Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sorry my hands just texted you
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
