I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
literally had 100 drinks last night.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Sext me about skeletons
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
