Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Welp...herpes.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
