i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
