call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
