u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
