if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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