you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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