So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
