somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
