Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
