hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
