My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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