There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize