Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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