It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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