Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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