Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
