Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
