I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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