I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
