He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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