ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
