i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
