Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
