Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
