I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
