i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
