Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize