i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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