Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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