I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
