she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
