Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
