And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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