You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
