i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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