Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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