Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i believe in u and ur pee
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
