I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
