So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
