I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize