Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
