I heard we made out
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
