Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize