I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dick very happy bro
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
