I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just pee around me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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