Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
