The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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