just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
