My friends, they love my intelligence
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
