weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
